what the kids are listening to...

So, the fact of the matter is, I am getting older. Indeed, I have found my first grey hairs (2 of them!) in the past week. I found that pretty damn traumatic and am now having nightmares about grey hairs and strollers and biological clocks, oh my.
But the 'arctic monkeys,' that really sets me off. What a freaking stupid band name. Now, I haven't heard them yet. I may give them a shot tonight when I am at home using a computer with sound capabilities. I guarantee you that I won't like it though. But Arctic Monkeys is an INSANELY dumb band name; it connotes nothing but socks sold at Claire's and t-shirts sold at Spencer's. Which isn't cool at all. I keep trying to think of a comparably stupid band name that I listen(ed) to during my youth, and the only thing I can think of is 'superchunk' except I never really listened to them, that was all Michael. Also I was never a foo fighters fan.
No, I feel quite certain that I never listened to any band with as stupid a name as 'arctic monkeys' and I will not start now.

Basically, I have to update my blog because the last sentence of my last post is grammatically inept, and each time I check back to see if there are any new comments, I notice my grammatic failure (brought on by a desperate desire to use the word 'imperious') I am mortified.
In other news, I am thus far the only one in my office, the parking lot to my building is almost completely empty, and the mailman just stopped by to tell me that we have no mail today. Today is going to be a strange one.

When I am taken hostage

When I am taken hostage, which is highly likely since I don't even know how to use a gun at all, thus increasing the likelihood that I'll be kidnapped and unable to escape, I hope that I am strong and resolute and say things like "Never back down! Don't give into their maniacal demands" especially if their demands are more or less reasonable, like a box of Thin Mints (although they are becoming less and less reasonable every year).
This brings me to my second point, which is, I need to learn how to use a gun. Should I ever, you know, get taken hostage or end up in a horror movie. I have nightmares about staring down Freddy Krueger, trying to blow his brains out, and falling backward, thus meeting my death.
I just hope that should I ever end up in a life or death situation, my eyes turn to steel and my manner imperious.

The military, the profane, and the profaned.

So, as I have previously mentioned, there is an army office in my building. To be honest, I'm not sure what they do, as they don't have a storefront, as it were, so I guess that means they aren't a recruiting office. Also, sometimes they are in the elevator with guns, which, I believe, are discouraged in recruitment. But here's the thing... they swear. A lot. The one I see most frequently seems to use the small hallway leading to my office for his loud phone calls. Since my job is pretty dull (see most of my previous entries), I don't really mind listening in on his typically angry and profane conversations. Why he chooses to have them in front of a door marked "REACH for Kids," I'll never know, but whatever. It passes the time. One literally lasted nearly two hours!!! One hopes these matters are not of national importance, though I could easily understand the desire to swear at full volume about the state of affairs.
Now, today, I rode the elevator with two of them, and they repeatedly referred to another person, presumably female, as a 'fucking cunt.' As most of you know, I pepper my speech frequently with profanity, but an office elevator? In the presence of another? Tres bizarre. And the c-word no less! I am pro-profanity and am quite liberal in where I believe it is acceptable to use. Indeed, I have even spoken with my colleagues about the dual issues of blow jobs and inclusion in schools (which, in middle school, I foresee as being a huge problem for parents who wish their special needs child to be fully integrated with their peers). However, I take umbrage with the near constant swearing of these army guys (and no, not even sailors!) while I fill my water glass at the communal fountain or ride the elevator.
While I recognize that the military is not known for its mild language, I must say I prefer my interactions with the military, as a civilian, to be more 'an officer and a gentleman' than 'jarhead.' I thought that with the whole desire to serve and defend came prosaic ideas about womanhood (or at least, white women...), and thus, deference to our more delicate sensibilities. I suppose that went out the window when we started using military service in lieu of a prison sentence.

Ruth ponders... predictability

So, today, as I flip through various news sites, I find myself unwilling to read the articles about our president's state of the union address or his visit to Nashville, various murders (while I do find these fascinating, they fall under the 'headline tells the story' category and thus always disappoint) and all the other boring and predictable news out there. The one exception being the president's statement that he is "educator-in-chief" which is possibly the most horrifyingly hilarious thing I have ever heard. However, it fits nicely into the underqualified theme of the past 6 years. I like imagining our president as Mrs. Honeycutt, my kindergarten teacher, and various other educators of my past. I also think it seems likely that Jack Black would have referred to himself as "educator in chief" in School of Rock, and that is totally awesome. There are many ways our president could be a lot cooler, and, I think, rocking out with kids and macking it to Joan Cusack are merely a couple of ways to start.