Friday, December 22, 2006
Celebrity, etc.
Faye Dunaway asked me for the time.
Yesterday, I observed Kirsten Dunst to eat a chocolate from the bulk bins. Stealing a chocolate. In pink converse.
And finally, last week I saw Leonardo Di Caprio, who departed Whole Foods in a large BMW. Not a hybrid. Fraud.
In conclusion, I miss truly crappy weather.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Funnestness
Tips
To find reference information about the words used in this article, hold down the ALT key and click on any word, phrase or name. A new window will open with a dictionary definition or encyclopedia entry.
This is awesome. I want the whole world to be like that. Monday, December 04, 2006
Christmas shopping, joyous new finds
I can not begin to tell of my excitement in finding such treasures as a burnt Patti Hearse lamp, or perhaps a Derrida onesie. Look for yourselves, and, crafty friends, sell your wares!
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Nasi Bungkus
Bill and I were also complimented on our spicy-eating, which of course, made us feel totally special.
Anyway, here is a picture of Nasi Bungkus. It is insanely cute, even if the name is pretty vulgar.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
longing?
Thursday, November 16, 2006
New Experiences, bad.
I think they now have chimpanzees jumping on some sort of trampoline. I can't be sure, but it's mighty loud.
One of the words that greatly pleases me is "misspellings." Blogger assures me that I have none.
For some reason, Bill has held off on posting on my eminent greatness as a girlfriend. I baked cinnamon bread yesterday, and, if I do say so myself, it tastes and looks just like real cinnamon bread. And, at the estimated cost of about $.50 a loaf, definitely trumps the cost of purchasing speciality bread at the grocery store. However, it is messy, and cleaning is Bill's job. Perhaps this is why he is not singing my praises to the moon or whatever.
Yes, my new hobby on my days off is "baking." It's not my preferred day off activity, as it's not as fun as drinking, shopping, etc, but it is more productive. And sadly, I have yet to acquire any friends in Los Angeles of the girl-persuasion, whom, let's be honest, are vastly preferable to friends of the heterogametic sex. Possibly this is the first time I have used the word heterogametic. I will continue to do so.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
one of the things...
Of course, since virtually all of my readership lives outside of Los Angeles, I will now talk about all the celebrities I have thus far seen.
- Guy who plays Uncle Vic on Queer as Folk.
- Ed Begley, Jr (see a few posts ago).
- Less-hot Doctor on Nip/Tuck (hotter than expected, to be sure).
- Emily the crazy one on 90210 for one season (Christine Elise is her real name).
- Thora Birch (on the red carpet at the AFI Film Festival).
- Debbie Mazur (also at AFI).
- Guy who plays John Abruzzi on Prison Break (in track pants, cheap slip-on sandals with socks, and a "Superlative Conspiracy" t-shirt). We had a passing-the-time at the check-out line conversation. I am glad that I did not make a joke about Whole Foods superlative turkeys, as I see now that Superlative Conspiracy is merely a brand.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Progress
Here they are:
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Montana, cool now?
I mean, sure, it will be like, slightly hilarious when Tester shows up for the first day with a banjo and buckwheat, but will be so much cooler than the guys who show up in sport coats and playing-it-safe Cole Haans.
It's about time you claimed your excessively large state as the kingdom of hipdom--after all, your ladies have been tucking their jeans into their boots for decades. So, Montana-- the new Vermont?
Monday, November 06, 2006
As expected, oblivious.
As a part of my new position as "Marketing Assistant" at Whole Foods, I had the opportunity to attend a product expo, where I sampled about a million different organic products. Not only did I get a recycled wood fiber toothbrush, and a variety of new age beverages, and a whole half-pound of the divine La Tur cheese to take home, I also responded with dubious ambiguity to a celebrity's offer to demo his product in my store. To be fair, my dubiousness had nothing to do with the celebrity (whom I didn't recognize), or the product, merely my unwillingness to make a commitment as I am new to my position.
So anyway, I came home with my assortment of goodies (including some truly disgusting quinoa cookies that Bill liked, in a radical departure from his typical "more fat the better" mentality) and pointed out that the maker of "Begley's Best" looked familiar. Bill said that the name Ed Begley was familiar, so I did the whole Wikipedia thing, and alas, Ed Begley, Jr.
All the more ridiculous in my inability to recognize Mr. Begley is the fact that I have seen him in literally dozens of different shows. From Happy Days to Arrested Development, Six Feet Under to Seventh Heaven (yes, I occasionally...), Best in Show to The Smurfs, Ed Begley has been a part of my life for the past 25 years.
So, I'm sorry, Mr. Begley. Your product seems outstanding, and you were totally down-to-earth when you were offering to come to my store. I should have recognized you, and thus avoided speaking with you. And I loved you in This is Spinal Tap.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Last Meals
Of course, this all makes me wonder about my own last meal. The death row inmates don't pay much regard to menu planning: pizza with stir-fried beef, chocolate cake, ice cream, broccoli, grapes, 10 quesadillas and more (Jessy San Miguel, executed in 2000).
On one hand, I'd be tempted to request pad thai, chicken paneng, Papa John's hand-tossed with pineapple, chocolate mint ice cream with york peppermint patty mixed-in, vegetable samosas, chevre cheese, nectarines and Coca-Cola. I think the above constitutes a fair representation of my favorite foods, but, for a last meal? I mean, would gorging myself on all my favored flavors give me the requisite level of satisfaction, or would I be better served by creating a real meal?
Ahh! It's an absolute nightmare. I am giving myself a headache planning my theoretical last meal.
I suspect I would enjoy an exquisitely executed (ha! puns!) last meal, but how could I turn my back on goat's cheese, or pad thai? I'm afraid I could never decide. Thus, I would end up with a massive stomach ache before my extermination, OR, the better alternative: I am never executed.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
messages
In other strange-message news, I am currently temping and the previous non-temp version of me was given the axe. She has two little epigrams jotted on a notepad: "You can't fail if you don't give up!" and "Never trust anyone!" Hmm.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
suckas...
That's right. My polling place was once owned by John Wayne, and housed the Munchkins during the filming of the Wizard of Oz.
Ha. Ha.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
$5.50 and the poorer for it.
Why don't I know how to send a fax, free, through my computer? Surely this must be possible...
Why didn't I check the number on the confirmation?
Now, I must do one, or perhaps a combination, of the following things:
- Temp tomorrow, and try to hop on their fax machine, violating my temping rules on the very first day of employment.
- Wait until Saturday when I will be able to go to mom & pop print shop (they have, of course, mom & pop hours), and get my $5.50 back.
- Find some other place tonight to send a fax from... like, the grocery store? Kinkos is not close and they are mean anyway. Where does one send a fax from, if not the mom & pop print shop on the corner?
- Drive fax to location--not close, but equidistant to the Kinkos.
- Abandon fax entirely and not write freelance articles for toy magazine that didn't offer me a real job.
- Demand cookies from friends not located within the Pacific Time Zone.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Disaster!
Bill and I accidentally bought the orange-flavored toothpaste. In bulk. We have 6 tubes of Aquafresh Orange toothpaste. It's like brushing your teeth, then drinking orange juice. And we'll be doing it for the next year.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Friends & Countrymen...
I just ate tamales from my local farmer's market, have an herb garden on my balcony, and had an interview for my dream job last week. Things are looking pretty good, though my mouth is burning from my tamale consumption.
You may now consider California Ruth open for business.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
my weather is better than yours.
We have a good location, close to many restaurants, etc. Also close to 'the studios.' I haven't seen any celebrities yet, but I have seen more cars worth over $100K than I have in my whole entire life. It seems probable that famous people drive them, but that may be my midwestern naïveté talking.
So, these are all good things. Bad things include the fact that I will likely still be unemployed upon turning 25. However, last year I turned 24 unemployed and living at home, so this year is somewhat of an improvement.
Friday, September 15, 2006
at 4:59 am
No, we aren't talking about the rolling-over, arms-splayed type-beating (that's more my m.o.).
What happened was this:
I am asleep. On my stomach.
I wake up. Bill is straddling my back.
He hits me, and says "there's someone in the room."
I am freaked out. My semi-aunt, with whom we are staying, does not really lock doors, and our ground-floor window is wide-open.
It becomes apparent to me that Bill is still asleep. I say, "do you want to shut the window?" He grunts, un-straddles me, and goes back to sleep, while I squint, contact-less, at shadows.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
My list of demands.
- A High-Paying Job
- Caveat: must be fun, not-evil, be loaded with vacation-time, and otherwise promote self-development.
- An Apartment
- Caveat: must meet numerous hard-to-find requirements, and have no problem with renting to the unemployed. Also, must cost no more than 4x my apartment in Kansas City.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
oh, sigh.
sigh. it's like high school or college graduation all over again, all uncertainty etc.
oh well. california, here i come.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Bands that make me exceedingly angry on cranky Tuesday mornings.
2) Nada Surf
3) Archers of Loaf
This list will no doubt only grow as I continue to do menial tasks while listening to what appears to be the worst of the 90s flashback hour on preferred radio station at work KEXP. Incidentally, my music collection has a strong bias towards the 90s, so I am not opposed to the decade by any means.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Uh oh, boyfriend, watch out.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
2 weeks 2 days
I purchased luggage online over the weekend. I thought it was lame when others received luggage for graduation, holidays, etc from aged relatives. Now I realize that it was not lame, only cheaper than buying it yourself.
Tell me, is there anything more gratifying than clicking "track shipment" a thousand times a day? My luggage has begun its journey in The City of Industry, CA, an (industrial) suburb of Los Angeles, which is, incidentally, where my credit card bills go. So, basically, it was like shopping at a neighborhood store.
Monday, August 07, 2006
The Roommate Tells All: Part 1--Breakfast
Bill: Bill seems only willing to eat bananas, bagels, green apples, and left-over pizza. This means that sometimes he eats no breakfast. I don't understand it.
Julie: Julie primarily eats cereal and whatever fruit is in the bowl. Sometimes, however, I catch her putting a variety of random food items on bread, toasted or otherwise, but never in a sandwich-like assemblage. I have seen her put honey, bananas, peanut butter, aldi- brand nutella, eggs, cheese, lunch meat, and imitation butter products in all sorts of incredibly odd combinations.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Monday, July 31, 2006
Pitchfork presents... testosterone!
I think though, that I won't go to one of those again. I am pretty sure grass and sunshine is not the ideal venue for indie rock.
And, seriously, what the hell was the deal with the 41 bands and like, 10 girls total in any of these groups? Lame lame lame!!! No more guitars for boys, and especially no more microphones. No offense, but it gets old.
Otherwise, lots of Chicago fun-ness and friend-seeing. And, can't object to the pitchfork-people-watching and laying about.
In other news, my Knox alumni status has finally begun returning on my investment: I saved $14 this weekend thanks to Knox alums with jobs. That is damn near 0.00012% of my capital outlay, not including interest. Also, I have no idea if that is the proper use of the term 'capital outlay.'
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
where i work.
I took some pictures of my work. My office is depressing. My mailman I think has a terminal illness. And yesterday, I saw my very first white supremicist in the flesh. Ugly & scary, two of my least favorite things.
MY WORK | By:Yours Truly | |
Monday, July 24, 2006
the only person i have seen all day is the mailman
Saturday, July 22, 2006
oh, woe
Monday, July 17, 2006
oooooooh
Anyway, Peaches was pretty much the best ever; even Bill couldn't stop talking about her awesomeness, which he swears was unrelated to the amount of nudity on stage. The local scenesters came out in full regalia, made all the more impressive by the fact that the club was unairconditioned and quite probably hotter than hell. Slouchy boots, Kansas, July! Far more appropriately dressed were those that came in their best Peaches costumes, hot pants and bustiers!
Saturday, July 15, 2006
sottotitolo
Thursday, July 13, 2006
ohfunboringnessblah.
I have been doing a lot of entertaining at my lovely Roeland Park abode, and my futon, I can now report, has been slept on by multiple people. Having visitors is way funner than not, since it means drinking more and eating out, two oft-forgotten pleasures. Also, good company!
In other news, I completed two books in as many days (though one I had been working on for a while). First, The Devil Wears Prada, which blew. A lot of you are probably like, what, ruth, could you have been thinking? Well, I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking that Bridget Jones's Diary is hysterical, and it's summer, and one can only keep up this cultural elitism in 100 degree heat for so long. I also thought that since my coworker wanted me to read it, I had to. Now, reading DWP was worse than the Da Vinci Code fiasco, where I also succumbed to pressure, not only from friends, but also my internal "i am such an effing snob that i can't deign to read this bestselling novel" barometer.
Actually, there was nothing fiasco-worthy about the Da Vinci Code. I found it acceptably enjoyable, and it allowed me to rather snobbishly relive my French and Italian travels.
The DWP, though, was unpardonably awful and truly stupid. My mother has been pressuring me to go see the movie with her, which I may consider doing but only because I love air conditioning and popcorn. But before I do that, well, I need to watch La Dolce Vita which I received by mail yesterday. And then probably hear about why Fellini isn't all he's cracked up to be from my smarty-pants boyfriend, who is kinda famous now.
Sincerely yours,
Ms. Snotty-pants
P.S. The other book I finished was not the Da Vinci Code, which I read after it had only been on the best seller list for a year or so. So like, 2004 maybe. Anyway, I read Peter Orner's new book, The Second Coming of Mavala Shikongo, which I found moderately excellent. In any case, here's hoping Orner can parlay the Brangelina-Namibia craze into bestsellerhood, as his book is set in Namibia.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Show me yours.
I've heard from several friends about how they find my 'desk' picture fascinating, since you never get to see where your friends actually work. Because of this, and because of my embarrassingly dull previous blog entry, I have decided to share this with you. To the right of what's pictured is a virtually identical desk, where sits my computer and thus me. If I look to the left, well, right now, that is exactly what I see.
So let's dialogue on this point. Where do we pass the bulk of our days? How about a little office voyeurism?
Thursday, July 06, 2006
oldness
the saddest part is, due to proximity to my work and general indifference to personal hygiene, i probably get up wayy later than many of you. i am worried both of these things will have to change in LA, and then i will become part of the crowd who wakes up in the sixes.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Monday, June 26, 2006
Goodbye, Koen.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Finally, a British invasion worth its salt!!!
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Cranky Grr.
I hate people. And interacting.
Either bring me Oreos or go away.
Nothing could possibly make me happy besides transfat today.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Bullets
- Car radios.
- Sangria.
- Sleep.
- Stuff that grows.
- Skype.
Things that are not cool:
- Hangovers.
- Sticky countertops.
- Plagiarism.
- Broken can openers and exploding tuna fish.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Kansas! Cows!
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Summertime
I have developed a few new hobbies, namely, growing stuff. I have some pots now in which things grow! Namely, tomatoes! Chives! Basil! Cilantro! The chives and cilantro I am bravely growing from seed (organic seed to boot!) and seem to be doing well, particularly the cilantro. And my tomato plants have produced, thus far, two teenytiny tomatoes! They are green and look extremely untasty, but, we will wait and see! Because that's what gardening is all about! I love my plants, but so far, they seem fairly self-sufficient (except that one purple basil plant that died instantly *sigh* there is a lot of heartbreak associated with growing stuff). So, not much to do there... And I did order my camera, but FedEx says I can't have it until Thursday!!!
Instead, I need a fun-plan. I think that I should have a visitor. No one has slept on our futon, except my jerk boyfriend when he left me to die with the flu in our bed. That's sad, because we've lived in our apartment since December 31st!
If I had a visitor, I would take care of you like my two tomato plants, or my cilantro. Whichever you prefer. Also, like the sweet basil, but not like the purple basil, which died. And you would entertain me more than the chives, who have done shit!
We could go to a baseball game, which will probably be disappointing, but only if we root for the Royals. I will, but you don't have to. No one else does. And I guarantee you, it's a lot cheaper to go see the Royals than to see your local team. $5 buys a whole section these days!
We could look at fountains, of which there are tons! You may recognize some of them from your travels in Seville or Rome.
I will take you to some of my favorite places, like 91st & Metcalf, where there is a Chipotle, TJ Maxx and Marshalls! Sure, you can probably do that at home, but where have you seen a TJ Maxx & Marshalls across the street from each other before!
I can also take you to my favorite barbeque place, the Bob-Be-Que! It's delicious. Of course, if you don't eat meat, we can go somewhere else! Kansas City has tons of delicious vegetarian fare, now that Burger King offers a veggie burger, anyway.
In short, you should come to visit me in Kansas City, before I flee in August. I am a really awesome hostess. We can have basil and tomatoes from my garden, with the finest mozzeralla available...
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Digital Camera Envy etc
I am in the market for a digital camera. I have more or less narrowed it down to these three choices, although I reserve the right to add to this list at any given point.
I am fairly settled on the superzoom, as I think I would enjoy its capabilities. However, I am open to arguments about why I should get something smaller & with less zoom. I am, however, settled on not getting an SLR.
Here are the major differences, as I see them.
- The Panasonic Lumix has a hot shoe, which could be very exciting. The model I am looking out has been replaced with a less positively reviewed model, which means the one I am interested in is cheaper, but also, older.
- The Fujifilm Finepix does not have stabilization, which is bad. It's the cheapest of the bunch, though only slightly.
- The Canon S2 IS is a Canon, which makes me like it a little bit more than the others. Features-wise, it's in-between the other two, but does have 12x optical zoom as opposed to 10x. I'm not sure how much difference I think that would make to me.
Indecisively yours,
Ruth
Oh, boo hiss.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Monday, May 15, 2006
That said, there are dangers to library use vs. simply buying online.
I have a variety of books & movies on hold. Some are fine literature and foreign films, others are self-help books and horror flicks. Usually, the holds that come in are a mix, which, I feel, speaks to my eclecticness and lack of artifice.
However, Friday I came in to collect several holds: What color is your parachute?; Refuse to choose! : a revolutionary program for doing everything that you love; Jobs for English majors and other smart people; Do what you love, the money will follow : discovering your right livelihood; Saw. OK. I've mentioned in previous posts that I am uncertain as to what to do with my life, and, as for the self-help genre, I found Suze Orman's Young Fabulous & Broke to be rather helpful, and two books on law school & lawyerness convinced me that I should never take that path...
So. I had hoped to collect these books rather anonymously. There is one librarian under 40 in my local library, a cute blond girl probably in her late 20s. She, plus one of the octogenarians, were at the checkout counter. I kept my fingers crossed (literally) that hipster girl would not be my checkout girl.
Alas, she was. So, I present my card, she scans, makes a face. Says "is your dad a teacher?" I confirm, she says "what's his name?" (Note: I feel her obligation would be to say something to the effect here of: "is he mr. yourlastname?" or "does he teach at blank?" or "does he teach orchestra?" rather than asking his name, but whatever). Anyway, she confirmed that he was her teacher, she recalls me as a smaller girl, etc, etc. Then she gives me my books and I am forever embarassed.
Incidentally, I haven't looked at my self-help books yet (being too involved with literary fiction (Our kind : a novel by Kate Walbert, my new issue of Bust magazine, and ok, the Gilmore Girls), but my roommate, Julie (yes, I am outing you too) has looked through Parachute & one other, and confirms that Parachute is a christian book! Jeez.
Monday, May 08, 2006
high school
- Those bitches have more expensive jeans than me, and fancier hair too. I consoled myself with the fact that they no doubt can't use a semi-colon to save their life.
- I tried to take comfort in the fact that I can hold my liquor better, but then realized that honestly, my tolerance has never surpassed my 12th grade drinking abilities.
- I also tried to take comfort in the fact I was definitely cooler than them, and contemplated pointing out that I was 'rude' when they were toddlers, and listened to Belle & Sebastian when they were rocking out to Raffi. Then I wondered if Belle & Sebastian are still cool, and started feeling bad about what little attention I pay to new music.
- I saw a tween in a Killers shirt this weekend. I bought a Killers CD a few months ago. I can't say I've succeeded in getting into it. I know that some of my cooler friends like them a lot, so I am still trying. But given the choice of NPR or the Killers, I'll take NPR.
- I also saw several kids in Grateful Dead/DMB/Phish shirts & cargo shorts from Abercrombie. I took a great deal of comfort in their existence, because in high school I scorned them, and it appears they are filling the same purpose as before, so I scorned again.
- Of course, I did all this from the awkward vantage point of adult sibling, which was a little embarassing, particularly at the battle of the bands, where both of my brothers's competed.
- For instance, there were beach balls bouncing around. I really wasn't sure whether or not I should ensure that they continue to bop around, or if I should just let them fall when they approached me. Usually I hit them, but went to no great lengths to do so. I considered this to be 'nonchalant.'
- I am a firm believer in dancing at live music performances. However, I didn't want to attract undue attention, so settled for head bopping towards the back.
- Also, on my brothers' bands. Littlest brother plays ska. He's 16. I think I outgrew ska completely by then. I do remember driving to ska shows, but I also remember seeing Dub Narcotic that year, so 16 was clearly an age of musical transition for me. Bigger brother plays, like, frat boy funk-blues. Yikes.
- I can't believe those girls all had on more expensive jeans than me. Maybe I'm not prioritizing my spending properly.
Monday, May 01, 2006
See you next Tuesday.
In any case, I can't find any information on protests today in Kansas City. I would like to lend my support to the immigrant community. I am pretty disgusted with much of the commentary coming out of the immigration debates. The nastiness of really, the majority, is just so troubling.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Fulfillment
I have no antics of evil to describe, nor have I done anything remotely exciting in the last few weeks. My grandfather has been in town and his hearing isn't the greatest, so I have done lots of yelling, which, ordinarily forms a part of 'excitement' but does not in this case.
The news, usually bloggably-rich, seems dull. Whereas I used to fill hours of my day reading various newspapers, now, a quick skim of the nytimes front page & most emailed sates me. And I haven't seen a movie worth commenting on in ages (although I do have both a streetcar named desire and the taste of others at home lined up for this weekend), though I have begun watching the first season of Arrested Development & Grey's Anatomy. As the one episode I watched previously suggested, Arrested Development is 4X funnier than everyone said. Buster, I love you.
And Grey's Anatomy, while enjoyable, is a hospital drama which is toxic for me as I tend to cry each and every time someone dies, could die, or talks about dying. So, kinda high-risk behavior for me.
I suppose the biggest news is that I paid my outstanding library fine from high school ($44.50--not bad!) and am now able to use the library again. And I tell you, I love the library! Indeed, it is they who have supplied me with the first season of Arrested Development & A Streetcar Named Desire, as well as assorted other works of fiction and law school-focused books. I just finished "A woman's guide to law school' which has partially convinced me that law school is for chumps and i would rather die than be a lawyer. Now I am taking a break with Zadie Smith's Autograph Man, which 25 pages in (which is probably 5%), seems that it will be acceptably engrossing but not as enjoyable as White Teeth. Anyway, I am pretty excited to be restored to the good graces of my library.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
- The executive board unceremoniously told my boss that her resignation would be effective Monday (that's two days past now), not the end of April as previously planned. Such elation.
- Except, unfortunately, I spent Monday and much of the weekend ravaged by influenza. I have since recovered, but the experience was extremely unpretty. Conversely, I think it may have been slenderizing, so all was not lost.
- Yesterday, I became an advanced user of Microsoft Access under the tutelage of an extremely dull man. I have since managed to completely fuck up our work databases in ways that I had previously never even dreamed.
- I have begun to prepare to take the LSAT.
- Unsurprisingly, in light of the above announcement, I have continued to talk myself out of tattooing and have made no moves to ink umbrellas or any other water-repellent on my body.
- I ate a cookie that has been sitting in the "kitchen" of my work since Friday. It wasn't bad.
Friday, April 07, 2006
Oh, pretty please, die
As many of you know, my vileboss has resigned and will cease tormenting me with her thoughtlessness, extremely poor social skills and rampant neuroses in a few (not nearly few enough) weeks. I can't wait. Because otherwise, die.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Suck it, French Youth
Too bad about that. I wish I could say I was sad for you, but it's hard to have sympathy for those who get to eat more creme fraiche than me (and American creme fraiche is quite poor and awfully expensive anyway), smoke more cigarettes, and effortlessly weigh less.
But that's fine, because it looks like your waistlines are expanding since you have the most McDonalds per capita outside of the US and now you'll have to work hard to keep your lousy french jobs with your excessive vacations. You'll probably become stressed and end up eating massive quantities of cheap chocolate at your desk, which will just exacerbate your growing girths. Bummer, french youth, I really want to feel for you, but I'm not sure if it's jealousy or animosity that keeps me from doing so.
In any case, we've suspected you're worthless for a long time, so, let's see if you can cut it in the real world (ie the american one).
Friday, March 24, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
My once and future tattoo
But, I think it's time. I really think I might be ready to cross the line into becoming a tattooed person. The following are nice umbrella prototypes, and I would like your opinion. I am pretty sure I just want a black outline with the 'seams' inked in, if that makes sense, although I have not 100% ruled out the use of color. Also, let it be known that I will not be adding raindrops or anything of the kind to my umbrella tattoo. Just an umbrella for me, thanks.
Also, I am pretty sure it will be diagonal on my left shoulder, with the hooked handle pointing up. I have also contemplated getting a flipping huge one that stretches across my back, like a thunderbird, but well, I will never be that badass.
Umbrella 1:
Umbrella 2:
Umbrella 3:
Umbrella 4:
Friday, March 17, 2006
Humiliated again
America's pasttime? What? How can this be! I understand that similar anguish was felt during the Olympics, dream team etc & no doubt followers of Quad Rugby experienced similar devastation. But losing in our most bestest coolest sport, advancing countries with a total population less than the number of American baseball movies, this is truly humiliating.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Keeping up
But really, how many of these silly networking sites is a person required to join? And myspace is really really ugly. Not mine, mine is boring, but some people's, dare I say most people's, myspace is hideous. I spent an hour or so (while watching the gilmore girls & eating popcorn, granted) finding the same friends I am already connected with on friendster & facebook or both(!) and adding them. Many of whom are using the same photos & text! It's exasperating!
On the plus side, it's no great inconvenience and does create a new time waster for work. So come on, be my myspace friend too. I feel like a big dork with only a few friends...
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Los Angeles
However, I now can apartment hunt in LA with greater dedication than before, but the problem with LA is the connotations. I mean, the utter horror when the 90210 or clueless crowd had to go to 'the valley' for some sort of party. So obviously, we don't want to live in 'the valley' but what valley could they mean? Simi, san fernando, sun, there are at least half a dozen areas called 'something valley' around Los Angeles, and who knows which valley (or all valleys) is so undesirable?
And then, of course Malibu and Venice Beach are off-limits, because of the Barbie connections. I don't remember where my objections come from to Venice Beach, but I am pretty sure it has something to do with rollerblades and spandex. There's that terrible movie "Laurel Canyon," the wretched "Topanga" on Boy Meets World, "The Little Old Lady From Pasedena," and well, I don't know what Santa Monica is all about but I really hate the name "Monica." And I don't even know what to say about Hollywood, Beverly Hills, or Bel Air.
It's embarassing. I couldn't say "oh, I live in Venice Beach" without feeling like a total reject.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Oh, seriously, allow me to retch
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
My soap dispenser at work.
Always with the two inches of thicker, milkier soap on top. I noticed it my first time using the facilities here, and while the more translucent level will change, there are always two inches of grossness on top. As I have little to report of note (except that my boyfriend is handsome and brilliant, which is of course old news), I decided to illustrate the little bit of bathroom grossness that I visit every day.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
what the kids are listening to...
But the 'arctic monkeys,' that really sets me off. What a freaking stupid band name. Now, I haven't heard them yet. I may give them a shot tonight when I am at home using a computer with sound capabilities. I guarantee you that I won't like it though. But Arctic Monkeys is an INSANELY dumb band name; it connotes nothing but socks sold at Claire's and t-shirts sold at Spencer's. Which isn't cool at all. I keep trying to think of a comparably stupid band name that I listen(ed) to during my youth, and the only thing I can think of is 'superchunk' except I never really listened to them, that was all Michael. Also I was never a foo fighters fan.
No, I feel quite certain that I never listened to any band with as stupid a name as 'arctic monkeys' and I will not start now.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
In other news, I am thus far the only one in my office, the parking lot to my building is almost completely empty, and the mailman just stopped by to tell me that we have no mail today. Today is going to be a strange one.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
When I am taken hostage
This brings me to my second point, which is, I need to learn how to use a gun. Should I ever, you know, get taken hostage or end up in a horror movie. I have nightmares about staring down Freddy Krueger, trying to blow his brains out, and falling backward, thus meeting my death.
I just hope that should I ever end up in a life or death situation, my eyes turn to steel and my manner imperious.
Friday, February 03, 2006
The military, the profane, and the profaned.
Now, today, I rode the elevator with two of them, and they repeatedly referred to another person, presumably female, as a 'fucking cunt.' As most of you know, I pepper my speech frequently with profanity, but an office elevator? In the presence of another? Tres bizarre. And the c-word no less! I am pro-profanity and am quite liberal in where I believe it is acceptable to use. Indeed, I have even spoken with my colleagues about the dual issues of blow jobs and inclusion in schools (which, in middle school, I foresee as being a huge problem for parents who wish their special needs child to be fully integrated with their peers). However, I take umbrage with the near constant swearing of these army guys (and no, not even sailors!) while I fill my water glass at the communal fountain or ride the elevator.
While I recognize that the military is not known for its mild language, I must say I prefer my interactions with the military, as a civilian, to be more 'an officer and a gentleman' than 'jarhead.' I thought that with the whole desire to serve and defend came prosaic ideas about womanhood (or at least, white women...), and thus, deference to our more delicate sensibilities. I suppose that went out the window when we started using military service in lieu of a prison sentence.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Ruth ponders... predictability
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Hairy tits, faces, the works.
So, for our first selection (Julie's, actually), we went to a bar called John's Big Deck, which, as my stud-lover points out, is totally a penis joke. In any case, we were pretty much the only women there, aside from the waitresses and one blonde lady with enormous fake and almost entirely exposed breasts. Her stomach, also enormous and exposed, seemed to be genuine. And most of the men there were a) long-bearded in baseball caps b) in overalls and c) eating the special, which was a hunk of meat, one slice of white bread, fries, and a baked potato.
Of course, I had the view of the action, which was bad, because I have a tendancy not to actually look at the person I am with, so this obviously exacerbated the problem, which escaladed when Tits went over to Longest-Beard with a pair of scissors and placed his long beard between her large and incredibly wall-eyed breasts, all the while making porn-star face, and cut his beard off, so that all the hair fell down her shirt. Then she stood up, and pulled a huge wad of hair out, still making porn-star face! To which, Formerly Longest-Beard said, huh, you've got hairy tits, and then they went home together!!! Or rather, left together. I should illustrate this for you, but I'm not really sure where the paint equivalent is on my pretty new iBook, and am too lazy to look.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
But, what about what's he's saying? There shouldn't be secret laws requiring passengers to produce ID to fly... hmmm. Perhaps there is an argument worth making here. While I have never been troubled by this requirement, maybe I should be? I mean, I'd like to be able to read the law if I so choose (which, incidentally, I would never choose to do. Unless I go to law school, and then I might have to).
And then there is the fact that he's the co-founder of the Electronic Frontier Foundation , an organization that my boyfriend totally hearts. Which I now find creepy, because I think we all know that frontier is one of those creepy words, like legion or order that you know secretly means cults or militias.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Yeah Abortion Yeah
I'll tell you about my thought process:
- Man, these pro-lifers are sure crazy. We shall overcome? What? Man, I bet those "yeah, it's totally shaved into a heart" Bush twins, I bet one of them has totally had an abortion.
- Oh, they so have. I mean, underage drinking is the gateway drug to unwanted pregnancy and I haven't noticed them pregnant. Although to be honest, I don't even know their names, much less the frequency of their ovulation.
- Ohmigosh, this would make the best movie about the abortion debate, way better than that crappy Citizen Ruth movie. And it goes like this:
Cool, obgyn, veteran of the women's movement. probably diane keaton, pam greer, susan sarandon, you know the type. the movie is mostly about her dilemma. The daughter of a high profile, anti-abortion activist finds herself with an unwanted fetus. Obviously, she can't turn to her parents, so instead, where does she go? Planned Parenthood of course! This in itself is an adventure as you know, she can't be spotted. I have not cast this role. but let it be known that whoever plays this part will know how to wear a scarf. In any case, she decides to have the abortion.
But the real debate is the obgyn's. She has to decide if she should leak the the girl's abortion to the press thus discrediting the politician father, or if she should go to great lengths to protect her privacy, as she would any other patient. Of course she keeps the secret, and of course the secret is found out, and of course everything works out for the greater good in the end, much like the Cheney's lesbian-child. Oh wait.
In any case, I am not predicting this movie to rock or anything like that. Rather, it would be more of an after-school special movie, although it would still play in theatres and maybe even win an academy award. This movie would go in the Step-mom, Seabiscuit, Other Sister category. You know, about how it is good to love defective things and you learn a lot about yourself when you do so.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Monday, January 16, 2006
The OC & Cubix
Monday, January 09, 2006
yawn
And speaking of my brothers, one has decided to move into my bedroom! I have been moved out for a week... or 6 years minus 3 months, as I prefer to look at it, and he's taking over my room of millions of years. Granted, it is the best room not occupied by my mother, but it's mine and I kinda thought I could just leave all my unneccessary stuff there for the next, oh, 10-70 years. But no, I actually have to decide whether or not I should really keep my Eleanor Roosevelt report from the 6th grade... and by this weekend too! I am not really a pack rat, but you know, I have about a half dozen boxes of various crap shoved around my room, not to mention the specific crap like all my books and photos from high school? And seriously, what on earth do people do with their jewel cases when they can't leave them at their mom's house anymore? On one hand, literally everything in my bedroom could be donated to goodwill and I would never really even notice, but to be forced to actually make these decisions... I had hoped to stretch it out over the next 8 months or so.
But really, what do people actually do with jewel cases?
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
New Digs & A Trip, whee.
In other news, I am going to Chicago this weekend and will be getting down at a bar called the Hop Leaf at, umm, Clark and Foster on Saturday evening. Ms. Amy Lynn, dear friend and regular blog reader and (hopefully) super fantastic hostess, will probably comment on actual location. In any case, I would love to see my Chicagoland readers. So, go there! Or call/email me. Whee.