Thursday, December 29, 2005

shhhh. don't tell.

I am wearing a sweatsuit to work today. It's pretty pimp, and looks a lot like sweatsuits worn by old black men that have large hard stomachs. I am pretending like it's work clothes, so that no one need know the truth. While writing this to you, I felt a flash of incredible foreboding, and am now worried about the fact that if I am choosing to sneak around in a sweatsuit at 24 in a relatively new job (and I am), what will my life be like when I have actual stress? Will my style erode further, or is this the ultimate low? Will my teenage daugher be mortified that I want to wear a sweatsuit to work and insist that it is ok because it's, in this case, from Banana Republic, or, as will likely be the case in 20 years, that it's ok because it's Liz Claiborne?
To be honest, this is the most comfortable sweatsuit known to man, and I am completely disinterested in ever taking it off. My bra, on the other hand, is another issue. And the clogs I am wearing are not nearly as comfortable as slippers. And of course, I'd rather be watching Law and Order. And eating Papa John's pizza with pineapple on top.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Merry Christmas from my pretty new iBook!

Hope everyone had a great Christmas/ Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, etc. But not courtesy of Virgin Mobile, because that ad sucks. I myself am curled up in my bed with my pretty pretty machine, listening to this Sufjan Stevens album that seems to have found its way on to just about every top ten list around. On the first couple listens, I definitely wasn't feeling it, but now I am pretty pleased with the first album I have ever chosen to download legally to a computer. There seem to be about 7 good tracks on the album, which would be a solid performance except that the album is nearly 4 times longer than that. But I am a happy girl, and especially happy because, for the first time in my post-16 year old life, I worked neither x-mas eve, nor will I work tomorrow. So that is joy, albeit unpaid.
Happy Christmas.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

So, I don't want to be one of those people that goes for more than a week without updating, since those people make my work days a little bit more sad and boring, so I will tell you three things.
  • After this Christmas season ends, I will never ever work retail again. I dislike enabling silly consumerist wankers. In other words, I hate helping people buy things, but decided to politicize my statement to make me sound better.
  • I have been so tired lately I can literally go to sleep at the drop of the hat. At crap job #1, my boss never comes to work before 10, and rarely makes it in before noon, so I have been using the morning to drift in and out of sleep at my desk. I am not proud, and I think the end result is that I am more tired, but it is difficult to occupy my mornings otherwise and like I said, I am really tired.
  • Saying this probably makes you wonder why my job is so crappy, if my boss isn't there in the morning and I get to sleep. But let me assure you that it is crappy. Indeed, this week I have been working on astral projection, which, if you don't recall from vaguelly supernatural books you read in the 5th grade, is when your soul leaves your body and goes and does other stuff (usually evil) then comes back. I need to do this so that my soul can vacate my body when she talks to me. It hasn't really worked yet, except I sometimes start shaking when she speaks to me.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

To velvet coats.

Wow! Someone read my blog today from Stamping Ground, Kentucky. What a great city name. I do hope you come back.
I just saw that Pride and Prejudice movie. Keira Knightly remains unfortunate. Nevertheless, I love Pride and Prejudice, and nothing, not even Keira Knightly's dopey-ass self, will convince me otherwise. Now all I want to do is re-read Jane Austen and fall into a love-coma with Mr. Darcy and all the disagreable men in her novels. Bill kept falling asleep during the movie and he never likes to dance at parties, which is of course disagreable, but not in such a charming way because he has no fortune. He is exceptionally cranky, which is helpful, but never ever wears brocade jackets, which is not. Sometimes I think I missed my calling as a goth... but then, I never find eyeliner charming, only velvet coats. Actually I think everyone should have velvet coats. Were I officially anything other than burnt-out, I would decree it.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Must I recant?

So Kansas City is officially snow-drenched. We finally got the big snowstorm promised weeks ago. 8 inches and still going.
Fantastic, except that most of it happened while I was at work. So the drive home was fairly terrifying. My cute and fuel-efficient little car does not enjoy snow. My drive home from work took an hour and a half, as opposed to the usual 25 minutes. Mostly, I just drove very very slowly on unplowed roads along with about 50 million other people. Until disaster struck and I, along with about 10 million other people, were unable to get ourselves up a little hill.
Fortunately, we were rescued by a kindly Hummer and F250 truck. These two kind souls were driving back and forth, towing the smaller and more efficient vehicles up the little hill. My saviour didn't even say anything to me, just hitched me up and dragged me half a block, making my 1.5 hour journey a little more pleasant. So I guess I owe the massive car crowd one. Thus, I have decided I must recant roughly 20% of the bad things I have said about their owners.
The other issue I am wrestling with is whether or not I should go to crapjob #1 tomorrow... my boss told me it was optional. However, the option is get paid or don't get paid. If I do go, my boss will likely not come in, which makes the day a lot more fun than usual, but I will have to drive there, which will likely not be pleasant. If I don't go, I will stay at home... with the 3 teenage boys on snow day tomorrow.
Of course, at the moment, the snow is higher in my driveway than the doors of my car, so that may solve the dilemma for me. Either way, I am sure you will be hearing from me tomorrow.

grr grr grr

So my boyfriend is the funniest, and my friend Kitie is a sex offender. What would Elliot and Olivia say!
I myself am just cranky and curmudgeonly as my crazy-ass monsterboss is insisting I do unneccessary things while wasting resources. It would be one thing if this involved doing something I like, like smoking or driving in circles, but it doesn't, so I am annoyed.
Also, the National Weather Service reports that it will never stop snowing in Kansas City. I think I also heard them say that I should have called in sick from work today and watched the Sopranos countdown.

Monday, December 05, 2005

on my own again

So, friends, readers, etc, today I am at work alone. I will tell you about several things that have been on my mind.
1. My mother sexiled me this weekend. From my house. Awesome.
2. I will use my at work alone time to write Christmas cards. If you feel that you are deserving, tell me, and I will put one of my lovely holiday cards in the mail for you.
3. I watch a lot of tv, having little to do with my time, and I have to say, the commercials I find strangely compelling. I am very happy with my boyfriend, despite his pillow and couch hogging behaviors, but I am nevertheless tempted by these soul-mate promises, despite my convictions that such things don't exist. Everytime I see the ads, I want to hop online to see who they match up for me. Would eHarmony recognize that I could never date a Quentin Tarantino or Seinfeld fanatic? Would they set me up with someone who believes it acceptable to mix premium whiskeys or requests their Thai food served bland? Or would they set me up with someone who can be civil before his morning coffee and breaks an acceptable distance before stop lights.
But of course, I couldn't put these preferences in my profile, because then I'd immediately be written off as judgemental, which of course I am, but I like to think my cattiness does not lack charm.
In London, I tried to shop for friends on friendster, but was unable to find a single one acceptable, as I eliminated everyone with:
1. all foreign films listed as their favorite movies (a few, or even a majority, are acceptable, but all? come on.
2. more than 150 friendster friends. I will not be a notch on someone's belt.
3. a movie favorite list of 'pop' indie movies. garden state, napoleon dynamite, quentin tarantino, kevin smith, and wes anderson ditties. I like many movies by these directors, but try to enjoy at least a movie or two outside of your target demographic. My Fellow Americans, for instance, is hysterical.
4. same goes for michael moore movies or books. he is the converse of counterculture. smells like teen spirit, but swooshes like nike.
5. a music list of a bunch of pop music followed by 'mozart' or some other classical superstar. you expect me to believe that your ipod playlist is equal parts the ramones, the killers, belle and sebastian, wilco, the magnetic fields, and beethoven? give me a break. i'm sure you enjoy mozart, but leave him off the top ten list unless you are as likely to bust out the mozart cd as you are the yeah yeah yeahs. that said, your favorite music list should not read like the cmj charts.
6. your favorite book list must include fiction, and must feature a writer off the top ten list of contemporary literature for the 20 something crowd list. it's acceptable to like that chuck fightclub guy, or david foster wallace or nick hornby, or any number of tragically hip writers, but you must demonstrate a willingness to delve off the literary fluff shelf. Get down and get dirty with the classics or maybe something not published by the major league, media conglomerate publishing house.
Of course, many of my dearest friends commit these sins. Indeed, I myself justify my classical additions to my friendster profile only by telling myself that while I am far more likely to listen to pop music in my car than classical, I am in fact more likely to attend a classical music concert than I am a pop one. And this is only due to the fact that not much in the way comes to Kansas City, except the larger pop acts, and I am rarely willing to pay that much whereas you can almost always get into a classical performance for under a tenner.
So, what totally arbitrary things do you judge future friends and partners on? and do you want a christmas card?

Thursday, December 01, 2005

an amusing story that I will relate in a dull way

So, Tuesday was supposed to be my last day at crap job with monsterboss, as the new victim started on Monday. So, Monday, this itty bitty girl who is my age shows up. She is nice, but has a fairly limited command of the English language, especially for a college grad. I tell you, I bet she didn't even know the word 'fuck.' This girl had at least two of the three characteristics that I find despicable--excessively long hair and nails. I'm sure she doesn't like spicy food either, but that isn't confirmed. Anyway, a lot of the stupid things she said specifically related to Kansas City, which would not amuse most of my readership as most of you are unfamiliar with the area. Needless to say, she grew up and went to college in the northern suburbs, and had pretty much never been downtown or to midtown, where we work. When I asked her about this, she mentioned visiting Kaleidescope, the Hallmark-sponsored children's museum, in grade school... And then monsterboss offered to take her to the Jerusalem Cafe to lunch, to which newgirl said "oh, i had indian food once..." Also she was a psychology major and hadn't heard of autism... (my job is in the health care/special needs field).
In any case, Tuesday I was supposed to come in for a couple hours to make sure she was doing ok on her own. But when I got there, I found that she had, in fact, quit. This is not that weird as monsterboss is truly heinous. But she didn't even have the opportunity to see that, she just thought it would be.. too stressful. So, I am back at crap job until I/them find something/one better.