Monday, December 05, 2005

on my own again

So, friends, readers, etc, today I am at work alone. I will tell you about several things that have been on my mind.
1. My mother sexiled me this weekend. From my house. Awesome.
2. I will use my at work alone time to write Christmas cards. If you feel that you are deserving, tell me, and I will put one of my lovely holiday cards in the mail for you.
3. I watch a lot of tv, having little to do with my time, and I have to say, the commercials I find strangely compelling. I am very happy with my boyfriend, despite his pillow and couch hogging behaviors, but I am nevertheless tempted by these soul-mate promises, despite my convictions that such things don't exist. Everytime I see the ads, I want to hop online to see who they match up for me. Would eHarmony recognize that I could never date a Quentin Tarantino or Seinfeld fanatic? Would they set me up with someone who believes it acceptable to mix premium whiskeys or requests their Thai food served bland? Or would they set me up with someone who can be civil before his morning coffee and breaks an acceptable distance before stop lights.
But of course, I couldn't put these preferences in my profile, because then I'd immediately be written off as judgemental, which of course I am, but I like to think my cattiness does not lack charm.
In London, I tried to shop for friends on friendster, but was unable to find a single one acceptable, as I eliminated everyone with:
1. all foreign films listed as their favorite movies (a few, or even a majority, are acceptable, but all? come on.
2. more than 150 friendster friends. I will not be a notch on someone's belt.
3. a movie favorite list of 'pop' indie movies. garden state, napoleon dynamite, quentin tarantino, kevin smith, and wes anderson ditties. I like many movies by these directors, but try to enjoy at least a movie or two outside of your target demographic. My Fellow Americans, for instance, is hysterical.
4. same goes for michael moore movies or books. he is the converse of counterculture. smells like teen spirit, but swooshes like nike.
5. a music list of a bunch of pop music followed by 'mozart' or some other classical superstar. you expect me to believe that your ipod playlist is equal parts the ramones, the killers, belle and sebastian, wilco, the magnetic fields, and beethoven? give me a break. i'm sure you enjoy mozart, but leave him off the top ten list unless you are as likely to bust out the mozart cd as you are the yeah yeah yeahs. that said, your favorite music list should not read like the cmj charts.
6. your favorite book list must include fiction, and must feature a writer off the top ten list of contemporary literature for the 20 something crowd list. it's acceptable to like that chuck fightclub guy, or david foster wallace or nick hornby, or any number of tragically hip writers, but you must demonstrate a willingness to delve off the literary fluff shelf. Get down and get dirty with the classics or maybe something not published by the major league, media conglomerate publishing house.
Of course, many of my dearest friends commit these sins. Indeed, I myself justify my classical additions to my friendster profile only by telling myself that while I am far more likely to listen to pop music in my car than classical, I am in fact more likely to attend a classical music concert than I am a pop one. And this is only due to the fact that not much in the way comes to Kansas City, except the larger pop acts, and I am rarely willing to pay that much whereas you can almost always get into a classical performance for under a tenner.
So, what totally arbitrary things do you judge future friends and partners on? and do you want a christmas card?


Anonymous said...

I do want a Christmas card, please. But I don't like having to ask. Shouldn't you just think of me?

ruth said...

You are dead right. I have committed a major faux pas. What I should have said is if you are a regular reader of my blog, I would like to send you a christmas card yet probably don't have your address. please give me this information.
and, ms amy, i have both your address and your name on my xmas card list. never fear.

Joe said...

If you consider David Foster Wallace "literary fluff" I'm not sure we can be friends anymore.

Anonymous said...

thank you, ruth. and I was pleased to note that I would totally meet the aforementioned criteria to be your friend.

ruth said...

infinite jest is way too long to be literary fluff. but i have to say, i found it to be way too long and yet strangely unsubstantial. i do not understand its popularity amongst people i would otherwise consider to have fine tastes. i am therefore forced to conclude it must have some strange guy-allure, as i know almost no girls that have read it, and none that have liked it.
i sincerely hope we can continue to be friends.

Joe said...

Well, I suppose we can be friends. As long as you send me an xmas card.

I've heard the male/female split on IJ suggested before, but I can't really comment on it. I can think of a few girls who liked it, but this is really all just hearsay.

I was going to do a really scientific Friendster-based research project to find out some hard facts on male v female IJ-liking, but the search function doesn't seem to be working too well right now.

Doug said...

actually, most of your complaints are legitimate. i feel the same way about chuck palahnuik and tom robbins (another guy i like, while knowing all along I like him only because I'm a guy).

that part about classical music i think is particularly true. i was a music major and I'm not ashamed to admit that nothing classical ever goes in my top ten (unless you consider Hot Rats classical, which I do).

i disagree with your classic literature thing though. who gives a shit about the past? what do I have in common with Jane Eyre? why should I have to swim through a sea of references I don't get to be your friend? or better yet, why do I have to take a CLASS on classic literature to be your friend? sorry, this is a sore topic for me as I was dumped once for not having read enough classics.

can I still get a card after that rant?

ruth said...

hey! i didn't say reading the classics is a neccessity! besides, there are loads of classics more interesting than jane eyre... like virginia woolf, flannery o'connor...
in any case, i just suggested classics as a way to get away from the rolling stone list of must-read fiction.
also, it is very amusing to me that you were dumped for not reading the classics. in fact, i would really like to know more about this. fascinating! you can tell me about it when you visit.
joe, doug, i will send you christmas cards to the address i find in the alumni directory unless you tell me otherwise.

DaintyDoughnuts said...

Being judgemental is acceptable.
Im a big fan.
I was proud to wear your shirt. Its almost as if you were there with me, darling.
The kids are watching Harry Potter in Thai right now. Have you ever read a HP book? I wont even bother. Im sure my dude would own the series.
Send me a XMas card. Ill try to find an acceptable one for you. Want it in Thai?
Oh yes, you should come here. No one orders their food bland. But if you say hot they will try to kill you.

ruth said...

right there with you and the hooker? oh, you warm my heart.

stefanie said...

um, i want a card, obviously. do you have my new address? i do not have yours.