Friday, March 31, 2006

Suck it, French Youth

Looks like you lost the battle against precariousness. "Contre la précarité!" if you must, and surely you must.
Too bad about that. I wish I could say I was sad for you, but it's hard to have sympathy for those who get to eat more creme fraiche than me (and American creme fraiche is quite poor and awfully expensive anyway), smoke more cigarettes, and effortlessly weigh less.
But that's fine, because it looks like your waistlines are expanding since you have the most McDonalds per capita outside of the US and now you'll have to work hard to keep your lousy french jobs with your excessive vacations. You'll probably become stressed and end up eating massive quantities of cheap chocolate at your desk, which will just exacerbate your growing girths. Bummer, french youth, I really want to feel for you, but I'm not sure if it's jealousy or animosity that keeps me from doing so.
In any case, we've suspected you're worthless for a long time, so, let's see if you can cut it in the real world (ie the american one).

Friday, March 24, 2006

Thursday, March 23, 2006

My once and future tattoo

For those of you that have had the "what tattoo would you get?" conversation with me, you know that my answer has been, for that last 4 years at least, a tattoo of an umbrella (although for like, two weeks, I desperately wanted that tiger (or maybe lion) tattoo that is on the cover of a push kings album). A delinquent friend of mine once even promised to draw it for me, so I could get it. Why an umbrella? No reason, except perhaps that I like Mary Poppins and used to love Magritte. But still, Magritte is cool and umbrellas are the best. I never did get my tattoo, in part because my mom threatened to revoke college funding if I did get a tattoo (ha! joke's on me, because those loans were in my name, weren't they?), and in part, because, well, I'm not tattoo cool. Yeah, I am not the biggest of flipping losers, but I am definitely not cool enough that I ever listen to music at top volume, unless I am trying to demonstrate that I am, in fact, mad enough to listen to music so loud it hurts. And yeah, I can tolerate a bit of the punk music from time to time, but let's be honest. I would rather listen to Dolly Parton than the Sex Pistols. And yes, I do like a number of Kill Rock Stars & K Records bands that might be labeled as punk, but, well, I don't think that buys me any tattooed-hard-ass cred, although I am fairly sure tattooed hard asses don't get umbrellas inked into their flesh.
But, I think it's time. I really think I might be ready to cross the line into becoming a tattooed person. The following are nice umbrella prototypes, and I would like your opinion. I am pretty sure I just want a black outline with the 'seams' inked in, if that makes sense, although I have not 100% ruled out the use of color. Also, let it be known that I will not be adding raindrops or anything of the kind to my umbrella tattoo. Just an umbrella for me, thanks.
Also, I am pretty sure it will be diagonal on my left shoulder, with the hooked handle pointing up. I have also contemplated getting a flipping huge one that stretches across my back, like a thunderbird, but well, I will never be that badass.
Umbrella 1:
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Umbrella 2:
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Umbrella 3:
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Umbrella 4:
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Friday, March 17, 2006

Humiliated again

OK, it is bad enough that the US has elected Bush to the presidency twice, that our states continue to battle evolution, that crazy South Dakota has banned abortion, that DeLay won his stinking primary, that most Americans still think there are WMD in Iraq & that Crash won the Acadamy award. These things are humiliating. The US news section in international papers looks like the Onion or some similar mockumentary, but most shocking(!!!!): "US knocked out at World Classic."
America's pasttime? What? How can this be! I understand that similar anguish was felt during the Olympics, dream team etc & no doubt followers of Quad Rugby experienced similar devastation. But losing in our most bestest coolest sport, advancing countries with a total population less than the number of American baseball movies, this is truly humiliating.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Keeping up

Well, after all these pedophilia/myspace stories, I decided it was time to join. While doing so, though, I realized that I am no longer attractive to pedophiles, and indeed, have not been for some time. Bummer.
But really, how many of these silly networking sites is a person required to join? And myspace is really really ugly. Not mine, mine is boring, but some people's, dare I say most people's, myspace is hideous. I spent an hour or so (while watching the gilmore girls & eating popcorn, granted) finding the same friends I am already connected with on friendster & facebook or both(!) and adding them. Many of whom are using the same photos & text! It's exasperating!
On the plus side, it's no great inconvenience and does create a new time waster for work. So come on, be my myspace friend too. I feel like a big dork with only a few friends...

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Los Angeles

So, my clever boyfriend has been admitted to UCLA. This is pretty exciting because it means I can focus my life planning a bit more than before, though there are still pending applications and financial aid etc etc so the move to LA is not certain by any means.
However, I now can apartment hunt in LA with greater dedication than before, but the problem with LA is the connotations. I mean, the utter horror when the 90210 or clueless crowd had to go to 'the valley' for some sort of party. So obviously, we don't want to live in 'the valley' but what valley could they mean? Simi, san fernando, sun, there are at least half a dozen areas called 'something valley' around Los Angeles, and who knows which valley (or all valleys) is so undesirable?
And then, of course Malibu and Venice Beach are off-limits, because of the Barbie connections. I don't remember where my objections come from to Venice Beach, but I am pretty sure it has something to do with rollerblades and spandex. There's that terrible movie "Laurel Canyon," the wretched "Topanga" on Boy Meets World, "The Little Old Lady From Pasedena," and well, I don't know what Santa Monica is all about but I really hate the name "Monica." And I don't even know what to say about Hollywood, Beverly Hills, or Bel Air.
It's embarassing. I couldn't say "oh, I live in Venice Beach" without feeling like a total reject.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Oh, seriously, allow me to retch

Crash? Worst movie ever. Seriously. Puketastic. Remember when movies were about subtlety & I don't know, something not boring and stupid? OK, me neither, but Crash sucked. Boo academy.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

My soap dispenser at work.

It looks like this.

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Always with the two inches of thicker, milkier soap on top. I noticed it my first time using the facilities here, and while the more translucent level will change, there are always two inches of grossness on top. As I have little to report of note (except that my boyfriend is handsome and brilliant, which is of course old news), I decided to illustrate the little bit of bathroom grossness that I visit every day.