Thursday, September 29, 2005

Kansas City Here I come

Ok, so I have actually been in Kansas City for several days now. But whatever. Tonight I went to a local brewery for $2 pints (incidentally, have I mentioned how much I love America?), but what did I find there?
My former middle school's musical god, being their 'live music' which means crap john mayer cover band. Fortunately, I escaped unrecognized but my friend Julie was not so lucky. In any case, check out his awesome website: Musical God of the 8th grade. Allow me to say that I never fell for his charms. Perhaps this is due to the fact that we shared the 'most musical' award in the 7th grade. Fuck him, man. I may have no job, no digs, and be significantly older than I was a week ago, but at least I got a haircut today.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Oh, shit.

Literally. I just spent my fourth night in Kansas City scrubbing shit off the floor of the bathroom. Incidentally, it was not even my own shit. Not, of course, that I do such things. And even worse, not even not my own nevershat shit, but likely the shit of a teenage boy. Which teenage boy I can't say, but I feel confidant that the sheer revoltingness of this age group overwhelms any semblence of difference between shits.
So, I'm sure you'd like to know why this happened. About to go to bed, I head to the bathroom and notice that the toilet is not flushed. I flush it. It doesn't flush back.
Then, I try plunging it with what appears to be some sort of bellows that is sitting behind the toilet that I have never ever seen before. It looks like this:

Please note that it probably holds two liters in there.

I plunge away for about 30 minutes with no success. Meanwhile Michael calls. He is hard to follow. I decide, hell, let's just flush and see if it's ready. Wrong. It begins spewing all over the rather large bathroom.

I get off the phone with Michael. My mother wakes up. I am furious about having to use such a worthless plunger. Mind you, and my past roommates will vouch for this, I am a masterful and fearless plunger. But this job eluded me.
Instead, I ended up scrubbing shit off the floor.

Monday, September 26, 2005

24, Unemployed, and Living at Home

Just the way I always dreamed it would be!
The good news is, however, that I am the proud owner of a 2000 Mazda Protege. I think it's green, but I can't be sure as I have only seen it at night. But I am pretty pumped, as this is my first car made in the same decade I am to be driving it. Although it was likely made in the 90s. So perhaps better to say model year. Still, pretty awesome.
Also, my friends rocked at remembering my birthday. I know how to pick them for sure! Also, I am big on shameless self-promotion. And the Royals won for me yesterday as I knew they would (side note on the baseball game: Jess gave me a fat lip while trying to catch a flying hot dog, and there were no mint chocolate dip n dots to be had).
Tomorrow I begin the job search in earnest, as well as catching up on my shows. I figure for every hour of good job hunting and applying, I should be entitled to two hours of watching the sopranos, dead like me, six feet under, the l-word, the OC or any crime show re-runs. Also I could be persuaded to rent desperate housewives but I think Teri Hatcher is truly appalling. I will also consider Entourage, and I admit a certain curiousity with Rome. Really, I feel pretty flexible about this, and will consider most television programs and movies. Although maybe not movies yet as I don't have the attention span and, to be honest, I have seen most all of the movies.
As a side note, I do think that television rots most people's brains, but I am a critical viewer and am constantly learning and engaging with the television.
Also, I was incredibly moral for 4 months of television free existence in Ireland.
Basically, what I am saying is, don't judge me as I would judge someone for a similar blog post.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Land that I love

Home! I am finally home! After a week in Colorado, 1 day in the air, 364 days in Europe, and finally 3 days in Colorado, I am finally in my home state of Kansas! While Kansas is perhaps not the most exciting place on earth, I could not be more thrilled to be here.
Europe's grand and I can't wait to go back, but this is my country and I love it best. The space, the food (perhaps not as delicious as some cuisines, but variety is the spice of life), my friends, my family, the everything and the et cetera.
I mean, what is not to love about rest stops? Clean free toilets? Brilliant.
And tomorrow, I go to the Royals' final home game with all of my KC friends! And then the next day, I turn 24! So don't forget.

Saturday, September 17, 2005


Whee! Yesterday Bill and I went to the famous Red Light District!
Now, those of you that know me know that I have a profound fascination with the sex industry, so as you can imagine, this was downright a dream come true! The girls are actually in the windows! Amazing! And most of them were quite good looking, though there was a wide variety of girls on display. I have no idea how much they cost, but to be honest, if they are reasonably priced I fear the extinction of girlfriends. I mean, I know that I'm a great girlfriend and all, but I'm sure you could buy better and never have to eat at a vegetarian restaurant or watch sex and the city again. So I may have to rethink my pro-legalisation stance.
In any case, I think my eyes were wide open the entire time I was there. I'm not sure though if the prostitutes were my favorite or the johns, as I think it's far more scandalous to go to a prostitute than to be one. But I couldn't stare as much at the johns, as they weren't in windows in their underwear. Also adding to the excitement of the whores were the large tour groups moving through the area and the abundance of young men offering Bill and I every type of synthetic delight.
I admit to being disappointed that we didn't see any obvious transsexuals or women going in for theatrics. One lady was dressed as a schoolmarm, but the rest were in standard 'sexy' clothes, ie lingerie, usually lacy although occasionally rubbery. I am quite sure I would go with some elaborate stage set and costume. I would have especially liked to see some lady dressed as one of the women Rembrandt painted. Surely there is a fetish for that? Tonight Bill and I will go staring again!

Friday, September 16, 2005


Well, Bill and I are now in Amsterdam! Very exciting. Yesterday, we went to the Sex Museum, where I learned that American women invented anal sex, and that women especially are fascinated by bestiality and find it quite erotic. Hmm. I am pretty sure the Romans invented everything naughty, and as for my alleged prediliction for bestiality, well, just know that Hello Kitty is near and dear to my heart. I also learned that the only thing that has changed in pornography over the past two thousand years is the hairstyles.
Of course, after learning such shocking things we had to clear our heads and decided to partake in Amsterdam's most famous legal substance. I was quite worried about this as I feared that I would totally love smoking pot and feel that the last 10 years of my life were wasted as I rarely take part in such activities. While I did get much higher much quicker than in the good old US of A, I can't say I felt too bad about my wasted, or lack there of, years. However, Bill is a big wuss. But I will not tell about his pansyassedness.
Before Amsterdam, we were in Bonn and Cologne with actual Germans! Very exciting. We watched soccer and drank beer as one does, very fun. I met Bill's London Eye friend Jenni, who was our fantastic host and insured that we ate chocolate and crepes, which is ideal in a host.
So, that's the news. I reach America in 5 days, and turn 24 in 10. Too much excitement.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Prague Schmague

This is what I say when I am disappointed.
Prague is nice but rancid with tourists and there just isn't that much to do here. I am having a hard time figuring out why everyone loves it that much. But it's nice.
In any case, tomorrow we go to Berlin which I could not be more excited about.
That's the news.
In Munich, Bill and I saw Bewitched. I love Will Farrell best.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Vienna, whee

Well, Bill and I are now in Vienna, which is fanfriggintastic. For instance, for lunch, I had fried, fried, with a side of pickles and Bill had a 2 meter long wiener! I don't even want to hear what Freud would say about that.
Then we went to the Staatoper where we saw Verdi's Don Carlos, which was so incredibly exciting I nearly peed in my pants (she said she liked it more than pirates of penzance) and not even because it was 5 hours long.
Tomorrow we will consume more rich, fattening and delicious Austrian food and culture in Salzburg!
Budapest was a little cruel to Bill and I, with much unexpected closings, bus cancellations, etc. However, we spent plenty of time soaking away our pains in their lovely baths and eating gyros and falafels. Without the remnants of Turkish occupation, I'm sad to say, Budapest might have been kind of crap.
Vienna, on the other hand, has consistently rewarded Bill and I's moral rectitude. I will recount its virtues.
Yesterday Bill and I realized, shortly before boarding our train, that, in fact, August has 31 days and our hostel booking was for the wrong day. So, we were en route to a city notoriously difficult to find beds in with no reservations. However, this turned out to be fine.
Then, we noted that the modern art museum was open late on thursday, so we headed there to find that not only is it open late on thursday, but its two sister museums, an exhibition hall and another, slightly less modern (19th & early 20th century) museum are also open and having a special 'art night' where all 3 are available for the bargain price of nine euro! Which is a bargain as that's the price for one. So, that was great! If we were in Budapest, we would have showed up, found out that it was free yesterday and is now closed for the season. But Vienna rewards us with loads and loads of contemporary art. 60 sq km of it!
And they have green foam boat things for you to sit in outside.