Thursday, March 10, 2005

Indications that I won't like you.

Note- This blog post is inspired by a comment left by Bogdan on Stefanie's blog.

Those of you that know me know that I am filled with hate and rage. I will now provide an abridged version of things that make a person hate-worthy.

-People that won't eat spicy foods. This shows a lack of character and adventuresomeness. You don't have to love spicy food, but you have to try it. No going out for Thai and asking the waitress to tell you which one isn't spicy.
-Women (or men, for that matter) with excessively long hair. Excessively long for women means anything longer than mid-back. This shows a fear of change.
-Excessively long fingernails. This is impractical. This shows that you prioritize beauty over practicality. However, this argument does not under any circumstances apply to footwear.

These are the big three. However, there are more and I will proceed.

-People that wear excessive jewelry, particularly rings. Generally speaking, more than 2-3 rings are too many.
-Men that freely show their armpit hair when not engaging in athletic activity. Strangely enough, female armpit hair is not nearly as offensive.
-People that are louder than me.
-People that are more melodramatic than me. These two are why I rarely, if ever, like theatre people.
-People that touch their bare or stockinged feet in public.
-Men that wear plastic, athletic inspired sandals. It's not male feet that are the problem, but those damn sport sandals that I find completely repulsive.
-People that leave closet doors open.
-People that do not like Sex and the City.
-People that say Sarah Jessica Parker is ugly.
-People that unashamedly like things that are marketed for their demographic. For instance, Garden State, David Sedaris, etc. for the majority of my readership, I'd imagine. Again, theoretically there is nothing wrong with liking these things (I haven't read/seen them), but just be aware that it's you that they are trying to make love it.
-People that love Wes Anderson or Quentin Tarantino. Not that they haven't made good movies, but I won't abide by adulation. See above for my reasoning behind this.
-People that do not like Madonna or equivalent 80s pop (as if there is any). Lighten up for chrissakes.
-People that make snotty noises while watching reality television or equivalent mindless programming. Again, chill.
-People that cannot go a day without showering, make up, or similar activities. This does not apply to brushing one's teeth, which is essential.
-People that do not like baseball. Obviously this only applies to North Americans, Caribbeans and Japanese, as the rest of the world remains largely unconverted.
-Women (and men, really) that won't call themselves feminists. Either you are horribly ill-informed or a total dick. Either way, I probably don't like you.

The list could go on and on. These, however, are the majors. Obviously, a person can win my affections if they possess a few of these traits. And of course, I left off the political hatreds, as this was meant to be a bit funny and there is nothing funny about voting for Bush.
But now I have to go back to work, which is where I do my best hating.

4 comments:

stefanie said...

ruth, reading a post like this makes me realize that you make my life worth living. i am also filled with hate and rage, and i love being friends with people who are, because they make me feel like i am a worthwhile human being. if ruth hates 99% of the population, but loves me, that means i'm in the upper 99th percentile! it's like standardized testing, but more rewarding.

ruth said...

Yes, I should totally devolop standardized tests. The Ruth Test of Basic Skills. The Ruth-aptitude test. Imagine how much better the world would be, stefanie, if it was solely populated by you and me!

brandon and the hounds said...

yeah, but then wouldnt this aptitude test be like almost unashamedly finding your demographic so that you can market yourself to them? would that then inspire some self hatred. im just freely extrapolating from your list. for the record, garden state, was exceptionally whelming.

MrSKINNY said...

ruth,
i am guilty of 3 of your indications...i love wes anderson simply because no one else is putting out such cohesive work, though I am just a sucker for a stellar cast and his anal way of retro-renewal. tarantino loves blood and guts, how can u not love him!? but i understand your reasoning. i am with you all the way, in fact. thats why we're friends, but maybe we shouldnt watch tv together in the future. :)