Thursday, February 17, 2005

Now you will know what a bad person I am.

So, as some of you know, I live with 4 boys. My nice boyfriend Bill (US, 23), my two Australian flatmates (Corey, 23, and Michael, 28) and my French flatmate Stephane (26 on Sunday).
And the thing is, I really hate Michael. I know that it is bad to write about hating him, but the only person I can complain about him to that actually knows him is Bill. I have drawn a picture of Michael so you can see how he sucks. This is it.
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There are a number of reasons for this. He is an explainer, and like so many explainers, prefers to force this upon girls. He is constantly explaining really boring stuff to me, which is usually highly inaccurate. He likes Slipknot and the Insane Clown Posse. He doesn't eat spicy food. He is a writer.
These are all minor things, I realize. But there are two hugely major things: he completely lacks any sense of irony. If make a sarcastic comment, he explains to me why I am wrong. He takes himself desperately seriously. This appalls me. You cannot, under any circumstances, wear spiky bracelets in 2005 without irony.
I have, I think, a fairly high tolerance for pretension, being rather pretentious from time to time myself. But, you can't be pretentious about things that suck. For instance, Michael hates School of Rock and Jack Black. There is absolutely no acceptable reason for this, particularly when you think The Ring was a great movie.
And hey, I liked The Ring OK. But Michael doesn't like things that are bad. Oh no, if Michael likes it he will tell you why it is brilliant. For hours. The bottom line is, no one else's opinion has any authority with Michael, no matter what which makes him about the worst person in the world for me to know as I have a lot of opinions.
The thing that really pisses me off about this douchebag (and yes, that is the proper term. "Tool" also works) is that being around him makes me absolutely miserable. Because there is no point in disagreeing, as he is always right. And having to talk to Michael (or rather, listen to Michael) makes me be mean to Bill, which is a crime as Bill is very nice.
And here is the worst part! When we watch CSI or Law and Order, he points out CONSTANTLY what is wrong with the show, or how such and such isn't legal. But the thing is, he's AUSTRALIAN. He's never been to the U.S. even. And besides, it's fucking T.V.
It's like pointing out that the Insane Clown Posse didn't go to clown college or Marilyn Manson isn't actually a chick.
So that's my flatmate that I hate. The other ones I like quite well. I feel better now that I have vented, and now I will be able to mention little annoyances and you will understand.


Joe M. said...

I think you should probably kill him. I hate those zippery pants. It's also too bad that the only band from Iowa to gain international recognition is Slipknot. Slipknot sucks.

stefanie said...

well, ruth, we've already talked about how similar your roommate michael is to my roommate chad. chad doesn't wear zippery pants, thankfully, but he does wear a spiky leather bracelet thing. i think that the incongruence of chad's banana republic wardrobe and the spiky bracelet make him even more horrible than michael, because at least michael picked a look and he's sticking with it. even if it's that look.

also, chad's feet smell horrible. and since he lives in my living room, i can't escape him.

poor us.

Richard Leyland said...

I think I know him!

Tom said...

Actually looks a bit like Kurt Cobain.

stefanie said...

take that back. immediately. kurt cobain would never have been caught dead in those damn zippery pants.